lastly, Day Ten

looking at    pictures

feeling so          anxious

left out

& always a wanting

& always    nothing more          than going back

makes me ache     like      sign posts, alphabet, pronouns

like mommy, daddy, love

tender,  sitting inside    the outside places

accommodation,  pretty explanations

   & even when they don’t,       much more than     hunter&prey

my mouth    resembling          a child

or

            discomfort          in that

it wants         what has already been

      mentioned,                              before, only pretend houses,   

                  now, much stronger

because of places      where i slept,

weather i may           or may not have            imagined

how doodles    make everything

      lighter,   look more        like

meaning     versus   sound, how my same mouth

holds

             my r’s and l’s, confusing them

the colors only                making me

            they’re nothing like    tears, amounts of water

though they end up    erasing     

  earlier lines

places i walked           but now keep     

                               inside borders,

all the days       i’d

collect things,

gathering, as if to say

                        i once knew something

about weight

for Jp

& Day Ten

I want to say that I’m sharing.  There is darling, and there’s unfortunate.  The parts are needless, to say.  I’ve encouraged them, also.  Just falling over, just falling out of my chair.  It is completely sudden and useless.  I say things that I only mean in opposite moments.  Like stigma, but with a better punchline.   Always a certain point, and good is irrelevant.  Good is irrelevant when the material can’t echo.  Not knowing how to write them.  Wanting to be inside the car with you, the window, a way of seeing out.  Something besides myself, waiting.

and Day Ten

early wooden shapes       breathing,

something like                      combustion

  pensive charting,   notes about your fingers

                        muscles,

colors    remembering

directions i would have taken

            were i not shadowing you

and how to keep                       from ever getting there

bottom words,  cartoonish  filling up

  with   &  full   on      how i can’t

ever

hear my    isolation

   without remembering

certain times of       year, certain     calendars

so random

aimless

whatever

i could never               fit in with tumbleweeds

that put        in me

            people i forgot

            places, burning & edged in teeth

            the last way that i ever saw         a man, smiling

& swinging movements, so      deceitful

i never trusted back and forth

            until        opposites became

 the only       sentences

        i could    double check

having to stop             exactly right, here

            so as to

 not let happiness              overstay    your boundaries

without     letting go  (letting go of origins), you

      and the things we make up,

                                              we are like           buses

lots of them

in rows,     no obvious movement

just similarities             of what people assume           about us

your face         once more, too big

                       

and a lot   or   a little bit     

         of   never looking     until

    my address   can match   my name

Day Ten

in an effort  to             hold galaxies still

i would like to      sort of

                                          highlight

the difference    between

perfect     and               so necessary

the things

            that simulate          rambling

the pitches          different &   accommodating

            your body parts

not thinking            there has

    been        something

 not a recognition  &    faces

            the kind that     say things

to

      grab onto

                        other ones

            sooner,    glances that

look   precious, dueling,

            constant secrets involving

collars    & shapes

            and not eating,  partitioned mouths   in little     

sometimes    revolving

         habitats,  breathing by location

rumbling and counting down

lists are good            for

   bending      your head

            getting patterns,  snapshots

of the things

    that parent      other things      you know

   space without discernable speech

like habits, flat teeth,

       certain parts    of the body

& more important

  processing the face          into the sound

                                                of the face

unless we can    become   smaller &

  more like rocks

                        i don’t think

necessarily   grey

                                    but a lot of holding,

best described as           folks knowing,

   protection

maybe              things  living

                           under us,        a little stuck

you and i,   and all alike,     superficial

for the sake of having       something

     that everyone can see